Superman Returns (2006)

When it comes to all things superheroic and comic book-related there are few people whose opinion I value higher than my old school friend Steve, who helped turn my childhood passion for caped crusaders into a lifetime obsession. However, one area we disagree strongly on is Superman Returns.

Basically, Steve loves it and, try as I might, I don't.

Where to begin? The crass campness of the plot that wouldn't have been out of place in an old 1960s Batman TV episode or the later of the Superman films from the 1980s, the transformation of the Man of Steel in to sulky Superjerk The Caped Stalker, the continued portrayal of Lex Luthor as a comedic character (don't these people read the current DC titles?), and, worst of all, the mythos-busting (and pointlessly gratuitous) introduction of a Clark/Lois sprog.

Watching it again recently on DVD - determined to find the best in it; treating it as a sequel to Superman II and not a direct translation from the comics - I actually enjoyed it less than when I saw it on the big screen!

The film goes rapidly downhill after Superman saves the crashing plane - which, in fairness, is one of the all time classic superhero moments of modern cinema! It's no longer a question of just making us "believe a man can fly", we have to care and - outside of the plane crash - this film didn't engage me at all. Enrage, yes, but engage, no.

And again, towards the turning point for the start of the third act, we get the near destruction of Metropolis - which looks amazing - so why then shift the action to the less-than-impressive 'New Krypton' sets?

The large cast is a mixed bag of talents, with Kate Bosworth being pleasingly better than expected as Superman's ex-girlfriend. She has the right attitude for Lois Lane, but is simply lacking the gravitas to pull it off; she is way too young for the role which, by its nature, requires a more mature, experienced figure (such as Margot Kidder in the '80s).

Brandon Routh adequately fills the blue tights of the main man, but as with Bosworth, falls short in comparison to his predecessor - Christopher Reeve. Kevin Spacey, as Lex, doesn't have such comparisons to worry about as Luthor was never Gene Hackman's finest hour, but still plays him as an over-the-top 'professional criminal and mastermind', rather than the superintelligent and sharp businessman he 'really' is in the comics these days - like Linderman in Heroes.

Besides its total desecration of established Superman canon, the film's worst offence is its inability to decide whether it's a parody (like Mystery Men) or an action film with light-hearted moments. One minute we're smirking at Clark's slapstick or Lex's goofing around with his crew, the next Lois is drowning and can Superman rescue her in time?

No amount of stirring music or spine-tingling feats of superstrength can make up for the vacuum at the heart of this film. It looks beautiful, but just doesn't feel right.

I have no idea what director Bryan Singer was trying to achieve after his two faultless X-Men films, but I don't think he achieved it. Should a sequel ever get the go ahead I'd be happy to see Supes fighting a real, superpowered villain (who doesn't have access to Kryptonite) and if Lex has to be in it I'd like to see him set up like his far more menacing comic book incarnation.

Hopefully Lois' son will be forgotten as quickly as George Lucas wiped the phrase 'midi-chlorians' from the Star Wars universe.

I know it's bad form to slate a film for what it's not, but after Singer's fanboy-pleasing work on the X-Men, I had high hopes for Superman Returns, yet - except for some of the thrills and spills - it disappointed on every emotional level.