For Those Not On G+ - Why My Wife Is So Cool...

Long-time readers of my blog will probably already be aware of the supportive, awesomeness of my wife, Rachel.

However this week - following Zak's GM Questionnaire which tore across the OSR blogosphere like wildfire - she took to Google+ to chat with Zak about why she didn't play RPGs.

The fascinating conversation went as follows:

[from original survey, re: question as to why your significant other doesn't play]

Rachel wrote:

"There are several reasons; gaming has never particularly interested me and the parts I've overheard don't make me want to try – I see it as acting and quite intimidating. I don't understand a lot of what goes on which makes me feel unintelligent (which I don't think I am!). I also think it's healthy to have separate hobbies and I enjoy the fact that Tim is doing something independently from me."

Zak responded - on Google+ - that this was interesting because, rather than me just saying 'she doesn't get it':

 "[Rachel's] response includes some actual ideas (and it was good and let me hasten to add that none of these things are bad things in any way or reflect poorly on you, they're just interesting as data points about a kind of person who, by definition, we RPGers don't hear much about)...

* RPGing is "acting" and that's "intimidating"- which is something I have only heard once before (and it was from a girl) and the idea that acting in front of (friendly) people would be in any way intimidating is understandable but probably new to a lot of RPGers (me included) since a lot of people only get intimidated when there's sex or money on the line or if one of the people is like Stephen Hawking or something.

* You "feel unintelligent" and yet "know" that you are intelligent. Which is a conflict/emotion I've never had or at least never recognized. So that's an interesting idea.

* You say you don't understand what's going on. This is intriguing but since we don't know how much you've heard it isn't as helpful. I mean, nobody would understand the mechanics without having been taught them, but the idea that not understanding them is a reason not to want to play is also interesting."

I stuck my oar in at this point to give a bit of background and explain that:

"[Rachel] comes to wargames shows with me (as opposed to RPG cons) and admits to liking the look of wargames (she furnishes dolls houses as one of her hobbies and has a model railway, so appreciates the scenery and painting aspect of wargames if not the actual content). 

"I'm not sure how relevant that is to your discussion, but several years ago she did express a passing interest in maybe trying a 'wargame' at some stage - because it would just be the two of us and a table full of miniatures, I guess."

The following morning, once Rachel was back at her keyboard at work, she replied to Zak's comments:

"Firstly, I think the idea that RPGing is acting is fairly common amongst non-gamers. Perhaps if I was more confident in what a game really involved and how it worked, I wouldn't be intimidated by the idea.

"I also think the fact that the gaming group are primarily Tim's friends has something to do with it - I don't want to embarrass myself or him.

"I believe I'm reasonably intelligent (I have a good job etc) but I think most people, when faced with a subject they know virtually nothing about, feel at least a little out of their depth. This leads me on to the third point...

"I haven't experienced an actual game at all but it does get discussed during the 'pre-match dinner' a little. Because I'm into different things, I don't even understand the settings in which the games are based - words are thrown around that mean nothing to me and I don't feel I can join in because I don't want to have everything painfully explained to me. I overhear some very enthusiastic gaming during the evening (usually from the the next room) but I don't really understand what's going on.

"The fact is, I don't particularly want to know. I'm sure I could learn the mechanics of the game if I wanted to but as I mentioned, I like the fact that Tim has a social circle outside of our relationship.

"Because of his health situation, it's not common for him to socialise without me and I love seeing him after a game and how happy it's made him - I don't need to be involved. It's also the only time that I really get time alone and that's something I very much treasure.

"Finally, as Tim said, I love miniatures (both dollshouses and model trains) and this is a love that we share. If I was going to get into any type of gaming I'm fairly sure it would be wargames, purely for the beautiful scenery."

And that is (just one of the many reasons) why my non-gaming wife is so freakin' awesome!