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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Monster Mash: Grimm's Snow White (2012)


Once again The Asylum proves that their strength lies in fantasy stories with this joyously gonzo, kitchen-sink spin on the story of Snow White that throws elves, dragons and magical falling stars into the traditional mix.

On the other hand there are no dwarves (that's where the elves come in - it being easier to stick pointed ears on an extra than turn them into little people) or poisoned apples (there's a poisoned ring instead) in this tale.

A long time ago a star fell from the skies and where it fell a magical flame sprung up that created the dragons and the elves.

Queen Gwendolyn (Jane March) of Whitevale wants to get her hands on the magical flame - the source of the elves' magic - but it is in the neighbouring land of North Phalia. So she engineers the death of her husband and then sets about winning the heart of the North Phalian prince, Alexander (Jamie Thomas King).

Unfortunately for the queen, Alexander has fallen for her drippy step-daughter Snow White (Eliza Bennett). So, the queen arranges for Snow to meet with an unfortunate accident in the woods at the hands of her huntsman... only she is rescued by the elves.

Initially the elves, especially the outspoken Orlando (see what they did there?), played by Alan Burgon, don't want to get involved in the affairs of humans for fear it will bring further oppression down on them.

Eventually, of course, Snow wins them round and everything culminates in a deliriously lacklustre woodland battle between about a dozen elves and a similar number of the queen's troops (this is supposed to be a major battle, by the way).

Some of the acting, especially from the heavily-accented extras, is a bit stilted, the CGI dragons are pretty poor and the queen's CGI hunting dogs have clearly been based on the Garmr from Almighty Thor, but there are elements (albeit minuscule) of an inventive story here - even if, ultimately, it comes to nothing.

There are hints of an interesting take on elves and the whole deal with the Veridian Flame is a really nice touch which, hopefully, the Asylum might pick up and run with in another of their fantasy flicks. It seems too good a concept to dismiss as simply a MacGuffin in Grimm's Snow White.

I'm not sure what went wrong with the non-fire-breathing dragon though as I've seen better in Asylum flicks - perhaps they blew the budget on rubber elf ears and costuming, as there's a distinctly well-tailored Georgian feel to many of the outfits worn by the human characters.

Eliza Bennett is rather unimpressive as Snow White and totally overshadowed by Jane March's evil step-mother, clearly loving the chance to devour some scenery in her wonderfully melodramatic role.

FAIREST OF THEM ALL:
Evil Queen: 1  Snow White: 0

GAME MATERIAL:

Garmrhund


Garmrhund are magical hunting dogs created by wizards in the image of the legendary elemental creatures known as Garmr. Vicious, grey-skinned dogs the size of horses, the Garmrhund present an intimidating image, but are actually more bark than bite when cornered in a fight.

The strength of these creatures is their unfailing ability to track any person when given their scent. Like all bullies, the Garmrhund prefer to outnumber their opponents.

When they corner a foe their first instinct will be to snarl and growl, scaring the person (hopefully) into submission. Otherwise they are easily distracted, once they have found their quarry, by attacks (or even loud noises) from other directions.

#ENC: 3d6
HD: 2
AC: 7 [12]
#Atk: One bite (1d8)
Move: 18
ST: 16
Special:
  • Intimidate: If a pack outnumbers its foes, it will spend a round simply growling, baring its teeth etc as it pads to and fro looking menacing. Its targets must save versus Fear to be able to act. If the save is failed the characters may either stand their ground (but with a -4 penalty on all die rolls) or run away for 2d6 rounds (with a 50% chance of dropping anything in their hands).
  • Tracking: Given the scent of a target, the Garmrhund can track the person over any distance, across any surface etc
CL: 3/60

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